I shared my blog publicly today via Facebook and Twitter. If that’s how you’ve found yourself here, thank you for visiting. Although I’ve been writing this blog with the intention of sharing it sooner rather than later, when it came to it I realised I was really quite nervous.
Yesterday, I had my first unknown follower sign up to this blog (Hello stranger, thanks for reading!), and as I mentioned, I also spent time during the day getting this site ready for sharing with the world. This afternoon though, I realised I was (still am) a combination of excited and scared.
I am excited that someone has readwhat I’ve said and enjoyed it, or found it relatable. I am scared as it means I feel I need to be on top of my game writing here. (Whether that is true or not is beside the point.) I have shared the odd post with a few people close to me, and have had positive feedback, especially by one particularly enthusiastic friend who shall remain nameless, who repeatedly tells me how much she is enjoying following it despite having little capacity to read much else, and sends me expectant screen shots when I haven’t yet written a post for the day. This makes me giggle, and I appreciate her encouragement and the fact it is providing her some solace in stressful times.
Indeed, one of the varied reasons I have chosen to embark on this blogging adventure, besides telling the story of everyday life with mental health conditions to a general, interested audience, is to provide a voice that others may relate to as the days go by. I know that at times I feel my normal existence is understood less than my bad days, and whenever I find a piece of writing that resonates, I feel a level of comfort. This blog is for those who can relate to that too.
I was very nervous posting this blog publicly, and my heart wouldn’t stop shouting and rattling my ribcage, but after an hour and I’d seen that a few people came along to read the posts, I began to calm. Now, a couple of hours later, I have had around 100 views from 20 people, and I’m excited. If nothing else, this shows me the root of my nerves: a fear that nobody would be interested enough to see what I had to say, and if they did once, it wouldn’t be good enough to look beyond the first page they clicked on. There’s a lot going on in those thoughts, not least a fundamental worry that the challenge of exposing a relative vulnerability – aspects of my thought processes and mental health – would be rebuffed. I’m glad to have my fears allayed by all you anonymous readers, thank you!
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Image credit: Smashing Magazine, How to integrate Facebook, Twitter and Google+ in WordPress.